Frau trifft Mann. Mann sieht gut aus. Er sind aus, als wäre er reif, maskuline und ein Mehrwert für sie. Frau verführt ihn. Mann geht auf die Frau zu. Mann redet und redet und redet und die Frau analysiert genau aus welchem Stoff er gebaut ist. Der Mann tut etwas, sagt etwas, gibt etwas preis über sich, was ihr zeigt, dass er tatsächlich nicht ein qualitativer Mann ist. Und die Attraktivität ist verpufft.
Was eine Frau in solch einem Moment wirklich tut ist: sie entscheidet unbewusst, dass der Mann nicht von hohem Wert ist. Innerlich klingt das so: DIESER MANN IST NICHT MEHR WERT ALS ICH SELBST. Er ist für mich nicht ein Uplevel, keine Bereicherung, mit ihm müsst ich mich nicht weiterentwickeln, mehr ausdehnen und hingeben. Ich bin hier ein Mehrwert für ihn. Zu gut, reif, bewusst für ihn. Mein Wert ist höher als seiner.
Dieser unbewusste WERTUNG können wir nicht ausschalten und in Grunde eine in uns wohnende Hierarchie die wir und wünschen.
Ein Frau wählt einen Mann der einen höheren Wert hat als sie. Findest du das in einem Mann? Gut so. Findest du das nicht? Verlasse das Date, das Gespräch. Next.
Frauen wollen Männer die einen Mehrwert in ihr Leben mitbringen.
Frauen wollen Männer die zumindest etwas intelligenter sind als sie. (Niemand will sich täglich mit den Gedanken herumschlagen, wie: Er ist etwas dümmlich)
Frauen wollen Männer die mehr Ausdauer, Furchtlosigkeit, die bessere Fähigkeit Probleme zu lösen haben.
Frauen wollen Männer mit einer höheren Frustrationstolerenz.
Frauen wollen die Erfahrung machen, dass sie im Chaos sein können und durch ihn gehalten, geführt werden.
Am besten ist es, wenn nur die Frau ins Chaos geht in einer Partnerschaft.
Frauen wollen mit Männer zusammensein, die auch für andere Frauen einen Mehrwert darstellen
Frauen wollen in einem Raum woller Frauen die Begehrtheit ihres Mannes fühlen.
Mit einem Mann, der einen Mehrwert für dich symbolisiert wird dich unsicher fühlen lassen
Eines der schwierigsten Themen über die wir heutzutage sprechen können ist das Thema der Hierarchie.
Hierarchie auf emotionaler, physischer und partnerschaftlicher Ebene. Eine Frau wählt einen Mann der besser ist als sie, bewusst. Er ist stärker, weiter, emotional stabil.
Es gibt noch wenig Frauen, die bereit sind für diese Männer und diese hohe Qualität der Partnerschaft.
Doch der tiefe Wunsch, die tiefe Sehnsucht nach einem wohlwollend dominanten Mann ist ein Code, der in Frauen nicht verhandelbar ist. Dieser Wunsch ist ihrem Überlebensmodus gespeichert, im 1. Chakra.
Und was geschieht, wenn du nicht fähig oder nicht bereit bist, mit Freude ja zu sagen und Raum zu schaffen für deinen Instinkt im 1. Chakra? Du kreierst Verzerrung und Misere.
Eine Frau fühlt sich zu einem Mann mit Mehrwert hingezogen, lehnt es jedoch ab jegliche Überlegenheit anzunehmen, dankbar dafür zu sein oder liebevoll seine Führung zu empfangen.
Eine Frau versucht alles mögliche, um die Überlegenheit eines Mannes zu zerstören, wenn sie es schafft, leht sie den kleinen Jungen aus zwei Gründen ab:
Sie vermeidet einen Mann der überlegen ist und wählt einen der ihr unterlegen ist und nutz ihn aus.
Was müsstest du tun, um deine Frequenz zu erhöhen um fähig zu sein einen Mann mit Mehrwert anziehen und halten zu können?
Wenn du in dieser Arbeit immer mehr und mehr Wahrheit findest, dann sollte für dich klar werden, dass Hingabe an das Maskuline alles andere als SCHWÄCHE ist!
Dass eine feminine Frau schwach ist, ist eine Lüge.
Es gibt zu viele Frauen, die sich einen maskulinen Mann wünschen und gleichzeitig undankbar und respektlos sind.
But to find a woman who is deliberately and brilliantly submissive to her man — a man she has chosen with the intent and desire of being with a superior man who can benefit her and elevate her through his superiority —- such a woman is rare. Being such a woman is a high-wire act. Such a woman resides neither in Contempt towards men she in fact considers qualified. Nor does she reside in boredom and sleepiness ( and more contempt really) with men she knows she can easily control and keep the upper hand with.
DREAMING OF WOLVES
Dreaming of Wolves - from Om's book, Prerequisites To Ecstasy
(A chapter addressed to women.)
‘Where are the real men?’
I am hearing this lament from women quite a lot these days. It’s actually quite an incendiary statement. I can only imagine what would happen if a man were to declare in a crowd of women, ‘Where are the real women?’ Very likely something would be hurled towards his head in no time. But that’s a separate matter. ‘Where are the real men? What’s happened to the men of today?’ It comes out more as a cry of frustration from women than any kind of real inquiry. I think most of the women asking it are not even holding any hope that this question is answerable. But let’s explore it a bit.
What does the real man look like? If he existed at one time but has now gone extinct, what did this species look like when it was still ambling the earth? Ask women this and they are likely to give you examples in the form of movie stars. This may seem frivolous at one level, but I think it is quite helpful. We are reaching for archetypes when we do this. And there is a wealth of information in archetypes. Who are/were the real men? Sean Connery. Jack Nicholson. Harrison Ford. A generation earlier: Robert Mitchum. Gregory Peck. John Wayne. Humphrey Bogart. Men’s men. Men that nobody could ever mistake for a boy. That would have been impossible. Where have they gone? And what’s wrong with these boy-men of today? How did we go from those men to these?
Want the short answer? It’s this: You killed them off! By ‘you’ I mean you women.
‘Impossible!’ you protest. ‘I’ve done no such thing. And besides, such real men were not so easily killed! That’s what made them real men! That was one of their defining characteristic in fact. A woman could hurl anything at a real man and he would be able to take it. He is supposed to be unflappable. Everything from a woman’s hottest passions to a woman’s craziest tantrums, a real man knows how to handle it all, and to handle it all with a sly smirk and some mischief and a sense of playfulness. That’s why we loved them so.’
Indeed. All that is also true. It is true of grown real men. It’s true of men who have gotten the chance to mature into their realness and manliness. But right there is the conundrum—what if they are no longer given the opportunity to come into their fullness? What if you start finding them wrong for this realness and this manliness from early on in their life? What if you start steering them instead towards an entirely different ideal of manhood—one that is toothless and devoid of that strength, independence, mischief and competence that you loved in those real men?
What if the essential quality of the real man has always been a certain Wolfishness that resides in the male archetype? What happens when you declare open season on this Wolf?
Here’s the state of women today: Imagine a lovely gal alone in her bed, writhing from her loins outwards, dreaming of the wolf. ‘Ohh, the Wolf! How beautiful you are! How powerful! How graceful! How ravenous you are! Come closer Wolf…. Let me run my fingers through your exquisite mane. Ahhh…come devour me you beautiful Wolf.’ Then she opens her eyes. And perchance there is a real wolf somewhere in her sights. You know what she does? She screams bloody murder! ‘Wolf! WOLF!!! Quick, get a gun. Shoot the wolf! Kill the wolf! Kill it!’ The wolf is dead.
Pity the woman. Pity her aching loins. Pity the bleeding wolf.
Over the past 30 years you have all but killed the Wolf from the male psyche. Now you are lamenting his absence. Now you are crying in your drink, drumming your fingers and asking over and over, ‘Where are the interesting men? Where are the men to make my pulse race? What has happened to them all?’ Look behind you. Their heads are hanging on your wall.
Here’s the real truth about both sexes:
A Woman: A fully realized woman, a fully sexual woman, a fully turned-on woman, a woman full in her power— is a real pain the ass! An empowered woman is not an easy woman. A fully turned-on woman who has claimed the range of her sexual desires and appetites is going to be more than a handful for the best of men in this world. A self-expressed woman is not a tame or a tamable creature. She will perplex you, overwhelm you, frustrate you, drive you nuts.
The sex of a fully expressed woman is so big and complex and ravenous that no one man can hope to keep up with it. She is bound to be too much for any one man.
A Man: A full realized man has a wolf in him. This wolf is ferocious and troublesome and untamable. The Wolf in the male archetype is inherently predatory. The Wolf has ready access to violence. The Wolf is driven by his appetites. And in the absence of cultural or legal interference, what prevails in the Wolf is a sterlingly primitive directive: Appetite is correct!
And his appetite has wide range and ambition. He is uninhibited and absolutely unapologetic about his desires and the length he is willing to go to satisfy them.
A Brief History of The Sexes:
I’m not sure when exactly this started, but probably at least 5000 years ago, the male archetype decided he wasn’t going to put up with this fully expressed and impossible to control woman. So he started to dominate her non-consensually. He started to oppress her, to sabotage her sex by declaring it sinful. He created rules of propriety for the woman that all but castrated the woman. And if she refused to comply, he proceeded to literally castrate and kill her.
This domination and oppression continues till this day—much more prevalent and brutal in some parts of the globe than others. This male subjugation and sabotage of the female power has been the longest siege in our history.
In many parts of the world this siege against women is starting to wind down. It is not as bad as it used to be. But what that original, unobstructed woman might have been before the siege, we still don’t know. We are getting closer to rediscovering her, and this is about the best we can do right now.
And how have women collectively adapted to being oppressed and subjugated and curtailed in their desires and expression?
We are all savages. We are very adaptable. Oppress a group in one way over here, and they are likely to find a way to gain advantage over there. Women have been denied direct access to power, so they have discovered and invented many indirect routes to power.
Women have become masterful at controlling the emotional lives of their men, and of their entire household. They have become the silent puppet masters of their masters. The men may continue to think they are the boss., and women let them think this while steering men’s actions, emotions and resources.
This is a very abbreviated & stylized history of the war between the sexes, but for our purposes it will do.
More recently, in the past 50 to 100 years, women have gained greater direct access to power. And with that acquisition of power, women have declared open season on the Wolf who played such a direct part in the implementation of their oppression.
And women have truly succeeded in this battle. You have succeeded not only in chasing the Wolf underground, you have gotten inside his head and made him doubt and hate himself.
Just as in centuries past women internalized male judgements and believed themselves to be dumber, and more sinful and less worthy, many of today’s men have pretty much accepted that anything masculine about them is in error. Men today have started to accept that masculine traits are inherently stupid and backwards and paleolithic. Men have come to believe that they, in fact, are as simple minded and obtuse as women have been angrily accusing them of in recent decades.
Man bashing has become so pedestrian and widespread today that it doesn’t even register on most people’s ears. Men themselves have ceased objecting to it! It’s just an accepted form of punchline across our culture.
So to women I can say, ‘Congratulations! You have killed the wolf!’ Your success has now become your misery. This is why you are sitting through one insufferable date after another with a big fluffy sheep across from you who is putting your feet to sleep. This is why the desire to be really handled in bed and to feel ravaged and taken by somebody’s skilled appetite is going unsatisfied encounter after encounter.
This is why you bought and read (and masturbated to) 100 million copies of a mediocre book—just to get an emotional hit of a gal being handled by a man who still has access to his wolf.
This is why you are constantly torn between the practical need to hold onto the political, economic, and cultural gains you have made in recent decades, while at the same time you continue to dream of that infernal Wolf! Oh, the Wolf. Where are you? Why can’t I have you as well as abolish wage inequities at the same time?
I actually think you can! That’s why I wrote this book. Let’s explore how.
Breaking the Bad Loop
Women are craving love from men, with men. But they are running low on their approval of men. They don’t see these two phenomena as being causally related. They think that because their experiences with men have been so disappointing, their feelings towards the masculine have logically and justifiably diminished. Their low opinion of men is merely derived from their life, from their experience. But the causality is reversible here.
If you are in a state of disapproval towards the masculine, you will never arrive at a state of adoration with men. You will never touch love. To reach for love where there is no approval is moot. It is a fool’s errand. Can’t be done.
If you want to act on this broken state, focus on approval first. See what you can do to repair your approval of the masculine. See what you need to do to regain (or have for the first time in your life) some modicum of RESPECT for the masculine.
Women don’t think there is anything alarming or dire about this widespread lack of respect that they feel towards men. They think this lack of respect, once again, is quite logical and justified. Their own experiences have brought them to this state of disrespect for men. But take a step back from this and look at it. Here you are, clearly stating: ‘I as a woman have lost all respect for men.’ Then you follow that up with, ‘I want to find true love. I want to find a man who adores me and wants to make me happy!’ Do you see the absurdity? If you don’t, try reversing the sexes in this scenario. Imagine a man who stands up and says, ‘I have no respect for women. I think they are all crap. AND, I’m really looking for a great gal to make me happy, someone I can really care for and someone who cares for me.’ Would you want to date this guy? Who wants to step up and take his hand and walk down the aisle? Or even sit across from him for a dinner date?
Men and women are in a dire, downward spiral. And most often, they are placing their bets on the wrong probability. Women keep saying, ‘But that’s why I’m looking for that great guy! The ONE! I am looking for the guy who is going to restore my faith in men! I’m looking for a guy I can finally respect!’ I would only point out your dismal success rate in this search. It hasn’t panned out for most of you.
So my recommendation for success is that you don’t wait for the perfect guy to show up before you confront and dissolve your abysmal rating of the male psyche! Find a way to arrive at approval of men first. Find a way to dissolve your anger and disappointment first. Find a way to arrive at some respect and adoration of the masculine first.
Most women I suggest this to push back so immediately and reflexively that it often feels to me that their disapproval of men is some kind of a treasure that I am trying to wrench away from them. If holding onto that disapproval of the masculine is such a strong desire in you, EXAMINE THAT FIRST! That is your real trap. There is no getting past that. There are no happy stories that can be created IN SPITE of that.
FADD: Feminine Approval Deficit Disorder.
Most men on the planet are suffering from this ailment right now. It’s a pandemic. Men have oppressed, violated and humiliated women for a few thousand years. Women have struck back by withholding what men deeply desire and crave and need from women — women’s approval.
Women’s response to millennia of nasty patriarchy is understandable and justified. But where do you want to go from here? Do you just want to continue punishing men for what all men have done to all women for thousands of years? Fine if you do. It’s your prerogative. But then please quit any desire for romance or love with men. You can’t have both.
And if you want to move towards love and romance and softness and adoration and great sex with men, then you are going to have to put down your sword of disapproval. It’s a mighty sword indeed. And collectively, this mighty sword of women disapproving of men has created an entire generation of broken and confused men.
Men are often likened to dogs and women to cats. Let’s use this hand metaphor here for men—wolves & dogs! There are a variety of ways (a spectrum actually) of how FADD impacts the masculine. And that impact can be compared to what happens to dogs when they are mistreated.
At the cowering and timid end, if you beat a dog too much or disapprove of him and bully him, he will simply not have any self-esteem. He will be scared and groveling. He will always have his tail between his legs and that frightened, hounded expression in his eyes. —— THAT is the hen-pecked man. He is constantly apologizing. He is constantly trying to placate the woman. He is too weak to make the woman feel assured or protected in any way. The woman feels like if anything needs to be done, she better handle it herself. Such a man is afraid to handle his woman sexually. At best, he might be able to follow some direct instructions. At the core of such hounded men is a ball of rage towards women. Because even in the heart of that beaten down mutt, there is a wolf howling somewhere, and he hates what he has become.
In the middle of the range we have men who are almost as scared as the hound-dog, hen-pecked man. But the men in this range have developed a whole set of defensive mechanisms and personae to hide their fear and insecurity. They are busy covering up their fear of women with bravado and trash talk. They too are terrified and unsure of handling a woman sexually. They generally rely on routines and repertoire in sex. They probably prefer pornography to real women. Most of your dates come from this wide spectrum of men.
The men in this wide middle-band are becoming increasingly deceitful and slimy. Their word isn’t worth much usually. They know how to present enough of an attractive persona to seduce women, but their surface game hides a very deep anxiety about their inherent worthiness— their worthiness in this world and their worthiness to their women. These men have very low capacity for going deeper in their relationships with women. They have very few emotional tools to rely on when relationships take a challenging turn. They jump ship fast when challenges show up. Often times, they jump ship preemptively anticipating that things are going to go bad.
The dangerous end of the FADD spectrum is the junkyard dog. The beatings and disapproval that these guys have received have made them aggressive and hostile towards women. At their core they are as afraid and resentful of the feminine as the cowering hound-dog or the middle spectrum of guys that range from the nice-guy to the pick-up artist. But the men at this end of the spectrum are even more defensive about the uncertainty they feel towards women. These men have pretty much given up trying to win with women. They have turned predatory and sociopathic. Their stand toward women is war-like: I’ll do whatever works to get from women what I want from them.
So yes, the field report on men out there is quite dismal. But what I would love for you to try and see, the shift in point of view I wish you to have, is that all these men have been MADE this way by a steady diet of FADD for most of their lives!
The Dogs out there are defective. And you women have been abominable dog owners!
Now, what do you want to do about it? How do you want to break the cycle?
(And I’m not saying here the men themselves don’t have a boatload of work to do at their end. They very much do. But this chapter is for you gals.)
Forgiveness → Approval → Love → Ecstasy → Soul
The difficult but obvious answer is: You have to start with yourself first. If you keep waiting for the population of men to turn healthy and balanced and brilliant on their own while the women continue to bombard them with negativity and disapproval—that’s just not going to happen. If you think you will somehow beat the odds and stumble upon one good dog in the vast pack—that’s not entirely impossible, but then the unfriendly question I would have to ask you is this: Why would such a good dog pick you as their owner? Why would such a good man want to be with you if you are still entrenched in your disapproval and disrespect towards the masculine?
Start with yourself. That’s where your personal and soul journey is also. Doesn’t even matter if you end up finding the great guy that turns out to be the love of your life. If women as a whole started bleeding out of their system all the venom that they are holding towards men, this world would become a sunnier place.
It is inarguable that men have done a lot of crappy things to women over the past few thousand years. But that is exactly why we are in desperate need of a massive forgiveness ritual for women towards men! There will be no real progress without that, only a continuation of self-fulfilling prophecy. Your stance that men are meager and disappointing will keep generating men who are so and you will keep dating such men, one after the other. The passage of time will only provide you with more and more evidence to calcify your disappointment and anger towards men. And you will die a bitter, bitter woman. Your choice.
And it goes without saying that if you do release your misgivings and your resentment toward the masculine, that is not going to magically transform the men around you instantaneously. You will continue to come across men, on the street, at the work place, on your dates who will continue to fall short of being that happy, proud, loving and well-balanced dog, who also has access to his mischievous Wolf. But it would still be a better life. It’s a step in the right direction in a big way. It’s much better to have a solid and sane dog owner working with a dog who is still a bit off, than to have a miserable and abusive dog owner with a dog who is already nutty from a lifetime of mistreatment.
The Masculine is in deep trouble these days. But one thing the male population and the masculine archetype has not lost from its core is its fundamental adoration of the female. We adore you! We live for you! We know it in our heart and in our bones that our life would be meaningless without you. So have faith in that! When that deep need and desire to be close to the feminine is nurtured in some real way, sanity and balance start to burst through all the layers of nonsense and defensiveness in men. This is the only long game between men and women that has any real potential for bringing a new paradigm of relating into our world.