THE 3 BIG OBSTACLES TO REACHING DEVOTION IN THE D/S DYNAMIC
SURRENDERING THE FIRST 3 CHAKRAS
1. Surrendering the First Center / Root Chakra:
The Submissive offers her body to the Dom. The Dom assumes control, power and responsibility for the Submissive’s body — and the body’s safety and well-being.
The first chakra has two big category of needs:
To surrender the first charka is to surrender both of these core needs over to that which you are surrendering to.
Within the Sermon On The Mount, Jesus prompts us to surrender both branches of the first chakra to God:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth’. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.”
This sounds foolhardy! It is! Surrender is foolhardy. To not protect oneself. To leave oneself open.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was not dressed like one of these.”
Jesus is speaking of surrendering the two branches of the first chakra to God. We will discuss in our conversations here repeatedly:
If you can surrender to God first, it will be easier to surrender to a flesh & blood man.
If you can have faith in God first, it will be easier to have faith in your Man/Dom.
If you can trust in God first, it will be easier to have trust in your Man.
If you can be in Devotion to God, it will be easier to offer some of that Devotion to your Man.
How does the surrendering of these two needs of the first chakra to your Man/Dom look like?
You know how you enjoy your man having his hand on your throat during peak moments? You know how you like him being powerful enough, scary enough, dangerous enough during those moments of sexing? How feeling him dangerous and in ownership releases your sex to high heaven? That is you surrendering the Protection circuit. Your surrender opens up that particular valve in the first chakra, and the energy can now move upwards.
This is why I train your men to be dangerous. If a Dom can’t scare the shit out of his submissive, he will end up leaving a lot of turn-on untapped. This is why you are drawn to dangerous men, violent men, outright criminals. The Protection circuit wants to surrender to a man dangerous enough to take your life and loving enough to protect your life.
Women psyches regularly concoct fantasies where she is abducted by brutes who then strip her of all her possession and independence. Her very survival is at the mercy of her captors. Whether she gets a scrap of food or water is dependent on them.
In D/s dynamic, you will see couples living this out with the submissive sleeping in a cage and eating from a dog bowl.
Surrendering this provisioning circuit has it’s own sweetness. It pushes the feminine into a supple state that is deeply humble and sexually receptive…and full of stillness and peace.
The opposite end of this energy can be seen in the bored, rich women of the world. Women who have been handed absurd quantities of wealth and resources, comfort and security, and in spite of that, or rather BECASUE of it, they are bored out of their skulls, feeling restless, un-handled, blocked.
Abduction fantasies are archetypical to the feminine psyche. Abduction rips away both the needs of the first chakra. Your safety and protection is not your own, neither is your provisioning.
*(The core desire at the heart of submission is OWNERSHIP. And to be owned, you can't own yourself.
In a consensual dynamic, the submissive is CHOOSING her Dom's ownership of her at every center, over her own ownership of her system.
And to choose to hand over ownership to someone else, you have to completely own yourself first. We can only give away that which we have.
In her desire to be owned, EVERY spot in her system, in her soul, where the submissive is wounded, in shadow, in lack of ownership - if she hands that broken part of herself to her Dom to be owned, she will create breakdowns and drama. A Dom CANNOT own the broken parts of his submissive. This is a shadow piece that will show up OVER & OVER in your dynamic.
We will delve into OWNERSHIP more deeply in Level III.)
2. Surrendering the Second Center / the Sex Center:
The submissive surrenders her sex to her Dom. The Dom owns, controls and SATISFIES the sex of his Submissive.
Having the control over her sex taken away is such a staple of feminine Eros and fantasy that it hardly needs mentioning. In the ideal scenario, the man who has claimed control over her sex is cable of both:
1. Depriving her of sexual pleasure.
2. Giving her enormous sexual pleasure.
He rules her sex. He has the power to give and to take away.
*(This same logic of the Dom having the power to give as well as to take away applies to Domination at ALL the centers!
At the first center the Dom has the power to take away protection as well as to restore protection and security. And the Dom has the power to take away all provisioning, or ...do the opposite - to deck his submissive in silks and jewels if he so wishes.)
The second chakra of course also has the PROCREATIVE end to it. Surrendering the procreative aspect of her sex means the woman is committing her womb, and pretty much her life, to a particular man whose children she wants to bear. This is one of the deepest commitments the feminine makes to a man, and its energies and ramifications are big and wide.
To Dominate a woman in the Procreative aspect of her second chakra is to bring her to a state where she is fully desirous of bearing your child. Needless to say, this is a DEEP and PROFOUND circuit in the feminine system. And triggering this circuit (even when neither party has any real intention of creating a child at that moment) can activate some powerful circuitry between Man/Woman, Dom/sub.
3. Surrendering the Third Center / The Esteem Center /The Center of Emotions:
The submissive surrenders her Esteem and she surrenders her Emotions to her Dom.
The Dom has the power to strip the submissive down emotionally and psychologically. He can humiliate her, he can negate her emotions and redirect them. He can break her down and he can build her back up. His praise and approval is food to her spirit and to her third center. He governs her esteem.
The submissive subsumes her emotion to her Dom’s will. Obeying and pleasing her Dom takes precedence over the submissive’s concerns about her own emotions; i.e., during her most emotionally difficult and challenging moments as a submissive, she doesn't lose faith or trust in her Dom’s RIGHTNESS. No matter how challenging HER inner state, she continue to find her Dom right. ***(This is a very high level of surrender that takes a while to arrive at. The third center is very stubborn. It puts out many obstacles and objections. And objections in the form of emotions is one of its cleverest ploys.)
The Dom in turn takes on this larger power and responsibility of controlling the submissive’s inner life and sense of self-worth. (This is no small mission!) The Dom qualifies himself to own this power over his submissive BY HIS TRACK RECORD. He demonstrates his love and responsibility towards his submissive by establishing trust and a track record of holding and directing her emotions and energy well. In her moments of doubt, it's her Dom's track record of handling her system well that the submissive puts her trust in.
The submissive does have faith in her Dom, but it is NOT blind faith. She holds in perspective all the ways he has shown up for her in the past and delivered brilliantly.
Service & Humility are the great paths out of the ego-obsession of the third center. That — and OBEDIANCE.
In religious traditions, this is the power we hand over to gurus and Zen masters.
THE JOURNEY CONTINUES UPWARDS
This structure of the Dom being able to strip the submissive down and build her back up continues at the higher centers as well.
At the 4th Center - this is the power to pour tremendous love into the submissive, more than her capacity to receive. And to also be able to plunge her into heartbreak.
In the 5th Center, this is about redirecting the submissive’s life energies and creative energies. This is the power we give to the mentors we trust.
In the 6th Center, it is about redirecting the ideological and philosophical framework of the submissive. The submissive chooses to commit herself to the Vision of her Dom.
At the 7th Center, the Dom / Master is able to bring the submissive’s mind and being into stillness and silence — in resonance with this own.
Ready to move on to the next Lesson?
EXERCISE: DEVOTIONAL INVESTIGATION
PRACTICE INHALING DEVOTION INTO YOUR HEART.
PRACTICE EXHALING DEVOTION FROM YOUR HEART, OUT INTO THE WORLD AND ONTO OTHERS.
You can do this with your phallic object. You can do it without an object at all.
Practice the SURRENDER position of your submission and receive energies all the way up your heart.
Practice the MASTER position of your submission and pour out energies from your heart.
The way you light a candle in a church is not how you may light a candle for utility at home. In church, you are CHOOSING to bring an element of the solemn and sacred into a mundane act. Exercising this choice to elevate the mundane to the sacred is where life becomes a work of art.
The specific ACT of service is not really that relevant. Most of the things you can do for your man, he can do for himself, or someone else can do for him. Where your actions, your service, your submission STOPS BEING GENERIC is the state of consciousness that you occupy while in submission.
DEVOTION : THE ORIGIN AND CULMINATION OF SUBMISSION
This is not ideology, it’s merely my own observation. Don’t take this model at face value. Try this on for yourself. Observe and study your own system. Map out your energetic pathways.
This is what I have repeatedly observed:
When a submissive is in the surrendered position - when she is RECEIVING her Dom’s energy, if her channels are open, if she is in a big yes to her Dom, then the highest energy that blossoms in her system is DEVOTION.
If she is in a deep yes (which is essentially what SUBSPACE is) a simple rope scene can plunge her into Devotion. A flogging session can plunge her into Devotion. Going into pain ends up evoking Devotion towards the Dom. Receiving sexual pleasure ends in the sweetness of Devotion in her heart.
All paths INTO her system seem to head towards Devotion. All the happy energies entering her body and psyche and soul seem to be heading towards the central vortex of Devotion.
When a submissive is in the Master position - when she is POURING OUT energy into her Dom, when she is offering service to her Dom, when she is pouring out sexual worship to her Dom - then too, the most refined energy that she can come from is Devotion!
If she WORSHIPS his cock, compared to ‘giving him a blowjob’, she will be anchored in Devotion.
If she is giving him a massage, the massage becomes an offering of Devotion.
If she cooks a meal for him, it is one more expression of her Devotion.
If she is washing his dishes or doing his laundry, if during the moments of performing her chores she is indeed anchored in her yes, she operates from Devotion.
Mind you, this is not to say that all submissives that have ever lived have lived entirely in Devotion. That would be like saying that every person who has ever meditated has, during their mediation, attained the state of no-mind.
Our meditations are imperfect. Our submission is imperfect. Our Dominance is imperfect.
That’s what it means to be a human being. We are prone to contractions and distractions and pettiness and sins of omissions and wounding and triggers and maliciousness. We are full of dark clouds. But the sun on the other side of all the clouds for the submissive is Devotion.
From a Tantric and energetic perspective, this is not news at all. The fact that women’s sex and women’s hearts are inextricably linked is not really news to most women. This is a deep knowing in your systems. Modern ideologies have encouraged you to separate your sex from your heart — in order to ‘have sex like men’. But attempting to sever sex from heart has not really panned out well for the women of the world over the past several decades. This is an experiment that has been run on a massive scale for many years now. You observe and judge the results of it for yourself.
A woman anchored in her Devotion is the great reclamation that is needed for her now.
DEVOTION IS HIEARCHICAL
Devotion travels upwards.
We offer devotion to that which is more expansive than us. That’s just the inherent configuration of Devotion — it’s an energy that moves upwards.
This is why the most prominent passage for Devotion has been in one’s relationship to the Divine.
God is the highest point in the hierarchy of existence. God is a natural magnet for our Devotion. All we have to do is focus on God and open our heart, and devotion immediately starts pouring upwards. Try it and see. Try it this moment.
If Devotion travels upwards, how to experience this energy with a fellow human being?
Put some human being above you. Feel them to be above you, open up your heart to them, and Devotion will begin to flow. Perhaps it won’t flow in the torrents that it does towards God, but even some human-scale trickle of Devotion towards a human being is better than being cut off from this precious channel all together.
Having even a trickle of this energy present towards one’s lover is a tremendous gift.
RESTORE GOD THE FATHER
There is no bearded man with a penis up in the sky. Nor is there some gorgeous goddess lounging in silks in her perfect skin and immortal tits.
But our polarities matter. It’s about how our system interacts with our projection of the divine.
Women have always been more drawn to the Devotional path in all various religions. And though Devotion can most certainly be offered to both the ‘male’ as well as the ‘female’ representations of divinity, there is an added factor for women in this regard: A woman who cannot offer devotion to God the Father will never be able to offer devotion to an imperfect, flesh and blood man.
If her feminine heart has been severed from the masculine polarity of divinity, then the most prolific channel possible for her Devotion has been cut off. This is a tremendous handicap. And a severe mugging of her spiritual, as well as her human expression.
If she can love God the father with a torrent, then even if a trickle of that same devotion makes it to her man, that would absolutely change her life and their dynamic.
You don’t need to worship your man as a God. Just worship God. But then, just sketch out a small tributary from your worship of God towards your man.
Bring him a few sips of that Devotion in your palms.
Try it and see what happens.
Try it energetically within yourself without even telling your man and see what happens.
And if the results are positive, recruit him into creating this change in configuration, and see what happens. Tell him you would like to make him your minor terminus for Devotion, while God the father remains the major terminus for your Devotion. Things might get interesting.